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After months of agonizing over how and when to tell Robert about my illicit and inappropriate relationship with my stepbrother, I was forced to confess my sin after Robert proposed.
I could not procrastinate any longer.
I simply was not prepared to marry the man without telling him about my great sin.
I was elated to learn that Robert found the sordid details titillating rather than appalling.
He did not see me as a pariah, as I feared he might.
However, he had his own confession to reveal.
Robert confessed a similar intimate relationship with his stepmother.
Initially, I was taken aback.
I was shocked to learn that Robert and his stepmother had shared such intimacies.
But I quickly realized that it was only his relationship with his stepmother that gave him the context that allowed Robert to understand my relationship with Gary as something beautiful and something to be cherished.
I slowly came to understand that to Robert, his relationship with his stepmother was as beautiful as my relationship with Gary was to me.
I spent that night in Robert’s arms, thanking God above for sending this man into my life.
I was convinced, there was no one else on this planet who was better suited to be my life’s partner.
There was no one else who would understand me so well, and accept me for who I was.
The next day was spent telling our family members of our engagement.
Robert and I received best wishes and joyous approval from everyone, except my stepbrother, Gary.
Gary was withdrawn, even sullen as we spoke on the phone.
My conversation with him lasted only a few minutes, but he was less than effusive in wishing Robert and me well.
I hung up knowing that he was hurt and jealous.
I sat there for several minutes, hurt myself, and confused.
I was hurt that Gary did not find joy in my happiness.
I was confused about how I would rectify this situation.
My fiancé, Robert, and I had already come to grips with the fact that both his stepmother and Gary would remain an ‘intimate’ part of our lives.
It never occurred to me that Gary would want to withdraw from me once I found my ‘life’s partner’.
I put my concerns about Gary aside for the moment.
I called Uncle Ralph to tell him about my engagement.
He was thrilled for me.
Uncle Ralph had assumed the ‘father figure’ role in my life since dad’s death in Afghanistan in 2012.
As dad’s older brother, I told him that I would want him to ‘give me away’ at the wedding.
He was flattered.
He insisted upon hosting an engagement party in my honor.
He wanted an opportunity to meet Robert’s family.
The engagement party was set for a little more than a month later, on the Saturday before Thanksgiving.
Uncle Ralph would host it at his country club in Palo Alto.
Mom and Gary would attend, as would Robert’s stepmother and his father.
It would be the first time I would meet his father.
Robert and I left the UCLA campus a little past eleven o’clock on Thursday before the big event.
If we could avoid heavy traffic, we could make the trip from Los Angeles to Palo Alto in a little more than five hours, which would have us arriving between four and five o’clock.
The plan was to relax on Thursday evening, pick up Robert’s step mother at the airport a little past midnight, and then meet for a quiet casual dinner on Friday night.
We would have the larger, more formal gathering Saturday.
Gary and my mom already had flown in the previous night.
Gary flew from his college in Lubbock, mom from Dallas.
They were staying at my Uncle Ralph’s house.
Uncle Ralph offered to allow Robert and me to sleep on his sofa; but I politely declined stating that with mom and Gary there, he already seemed to be overbooked.
The truth was that I wanted to find an opportunity to spend some time with Gary to help him understand that Robert was really not the threat to him and to our relationship Gary seemed to think he was.
And I certainly did not want to have these conversations at my uncle’s house.
Hotel prices in Palo Alto were quite high, but Robert did find a nice, reasonably priced Holiday Inn Express in Santa Clara, about thirteen miles away.
We arrived on schedule, late Thursday afternoon, and checked into our room.
It was not fancy, but the hotel was clean and affordable.
We made love and then went to IHOP for dinner.
We returned to our room and took a nap together.
The alarm woke us around eleven o’clock.
It was time to pick up Cindy, Robert’s stepmother.
At the San Jose airport: Robert and I were standing at the San Jose airport baggage claim when I saw his face light up.
“Mom! Over here,” he shouted.
I recognized Cindy from my visit to New York last Christmas.
She was a very attractive woman.
Her perky breasts and small frame, combined with a short, sassy hairdo, and her large green eyes, gave her a youthful, ‘cheerleader-like’ appearance that made her look considerably younger than her forty one years.
She wore a pleated navy skirt with matching pumps with three inch heels.
I could see that her nipples were erect and clearly evident through her bra under her tan colored blouse.
She was carrying her jacket over her arm as she approached.
She had a cute, petite, sexy appearance that I envied.
I hoped I looked as good as she did when I was her age.
I could see why Robert was so taken by this woman; hell, I was a bit taken with her myself.
I fought a slight twinge of jealousy as I watched my fiancé’s face light up when he saw her.
Robert picked her up as he hugged her, spinning her small frame around.
The affection between the two was obvious and real.
I thought to myself, ‘He really does love her.
I could never ask Robert to give her up’.
Once he put her down, she immediately hugged me warmly and said, “Elizabeth, congratulations.
I could not be more happy for the two of you.
” I sensed she really meant it.
Her blessings and affections felt genuine.
I could not help but like this woman.
It was nearly two a.
on Friday morning, California time, when we dropped her off at the Santa Clara Marriott.
“Were you able to sleep on the plane at all?” I asked.
“No, I never do.
I know it is only two o’clock here, but in New York, it is five a.
I’m exhausted,” she admitted.
“Well, get some sleep.
When you awaken, call me.
I would like to take you to lunch to tomorrow.
” “I’d like that a lot.
I will call you when I get up and we’ll meet some place,” she promised.
Lunch with Cindy at the Marriott: I received a call shortly after eleven o’clock.
Cindy and I agreed to meet in the lobby of her hotel at one o’clock.
I was a bit nervous about the lunch.
We had a lot to discuss.
I arrived early and we went to the ‘Character’s Sports Bar and Grill’ which was in the lobby of the Marriott hotel.
Cindy showed up at precisely one o’clock.
We were seated at a table surrounded by flat screen TV’s, each showing some obscure sporting event.
The choices were English rugby, Australian rules soccer and Canadian rules football.
Cindy turned to me and said, “I find it bizarre that the American male is more interested in rugby contest in England than the current events in the middle east;” “I know.
I don’t understand it myself.
” We ordered cocktails.
Cindy ordered a glass of merlot, I ordered a cranberry juice and vodka cocktail.
Cindy reached over and took my hand and said, “Elizabeth, I want you to know, I am very pleased to have you as my ‘to be’ daughter-in-law.
I think you are a lovely young woman.
” “Thank you.
I truly appreciate the compliment.
I want you to know that I respect and admire you as well.
Based on some things Robert has shared with me, you and I share more in common than you might expect.
” Cindy seemed to tense up at my words.
I sensed that she was intrigued and concerned.
After a brief paused, she said, “Interesting.
Tell me more?” “I know you and Robert have a special relationship.
I am glad you are close.
I am not threatened by it,” I stated casually.
I saw her blush.
A bright crimson flushed across her face and shoulders.
I could see her struggling with what to say, but she decided to remain cautious and remained silent for several seconds.
“Robert is very special to me.
He always has been.
I just want him to be happy,” she admitted honestly.
It was a candid, but innocent sounding answer.
I smiled and offered, “I want that too.
I am okay with the two of you remaining close.
” I took a sip of my cranberry and vodka cocktail and continued, “I have a bit of a confession.
You and I have more in common that you might imagine.
” Cindy raised her eyebrows as if to invite me to continue, but said nothing.
I placed her hand on top of hers and confided, “After our dad was killed in Afghanistan, my stepbrother and I became ‘close’ too.
We were both an emotional wreck and we leaned on each other, perhaps more than we should have.
What I am saying is that I understand how these things can happen.
I understand how people might cling to each other when they are emotionally vulnerable in ways that society might frown upon.
” She sat there speechless.
I could see she was struggling to find anything to say.
She finally uttered, “Thank you for being so understanding.
” I then added, “Robert knows that Gary and I remain close.
He accepts the fact that my stepbrother and I will always share an intimacy and closeness.
I have told him that I understand his need to remain close to you.
What I am saying is, you do not have to end your closeness because of me.
I like knowing that you two continue to share this bond.
” She seemed embarrassed that Robert had shared their secret, but was relieved that I was not appalled by the details of their relationship.
But most of all, she seemed intrigued by my willingness to allow it to continue.
After a moment of silence, she asked, “Does Robert know you are okay with this?” “Yes, I told him I was meeting you for lunch.
In fact, while you are here, I will make him available to you.
I really do understand how you feel about him.
” “I don’t quite know what to say.
Thank you, I guess.
To be honest, I assumed once you two became a couple, that this chapter of my life was over.
I had accepted that fact.
Elizabeth, I want you to know that I am not proud that I ever allowed my relationship with Robert to become.
It never should have happened.
” I interrupted her, “Cindy, I understand better than you how something innocent can slide into something more.
Some day I may share with you how Gary and I accidently ended up being closer than we should have been.
But I know that I needed him and he needed me at the time.
I know that Robert and you needed each other too.
I don’t want to take that away from him.
You are the only woman I will ever share him with.
He will come see you tonight.
Okay?” Squeezing my hand, she simply said, “Thank you.
” We finished our lunch and chatted, but I cannot remember all the details of what we discussed.
I was too distracted thinking about how best to deal with Gary’s jealousy.
Cindy had a second and then a third glass of wine.
Since I was driving, I had to stop at two cocktails.
I noticed that by the time she had finished her third glass of merlot, she was touching my hand more and more as we talked.
I was not offended by the physical contact at all.
In fact, I enjoyed it.
I sensed a real affection for both Robert and me in her casual touch.
I also felt a genuine happiness that Robert and I were together.
We talked about the logistics of Saturday night’s celebration of my engagement.
I gained some insight into this woman when she said, “I’m actually a bit nervous about tomorrow night.
” “Nervous? Why? My family won’t bite.
” “No that’s not it.
This will be the first time I have been in the same room as my ex-husband since our divorce.
” “Why does that make you nervous?” I asked with genuine curiosity.
“To be honest, Jim has moved on.
He is remarried to a much younger woman, who happens to be gorgeous.
He has a new family.
She has two young children.
Jim’s restarted his life without me.
Me, on the other hand? I don’t even have a date,” she said with a genuine concern in her voice.
“Cindy, you are a successful business woman who herself is gorgeous.
I honestly hope I look half as good as you do in twenty years.
You can have any man you want.
But if you don’t mind me asking, why don’t you date?” “Honestly, no one I know interests me.
The closest thing I have had to a relationship since my divorce is the summer I spent with Robert.
and you and I both know I can never share that with Jim or anyone else.
I can’t believe I have admitted it to you.
” I felt badly for her.
I can just imagine what it would be like to go to an event like this and have your ex- bring his new, younger wife, and you don’t even have a date.
“Cindy, I assure you, I am one person you do not have to hide anything from,” I said before pausing.
“We should hire a young male model to be your date tomorrow,” I joked.
“Oh, I like that.
Let’s make sure he is well built and hung like a mule too!” I thought to myself, ‘okay, three glasses of wine and she’s drunk.
this woman does not hold her booze’.
Nonetheless, I really did like her and I really did understand her anxiety over tomorrow’s dinner.
Finally, she said, “I should not have had that third glass of wine.
But you make me feel so comfortable, and we were having such a good time chatting.
Well, I’m going up to the room and take a little nap before dinner.
” “That sounds like a wonderful plan.
Robert and I will pick you up here at the hotel at six thirty, okay?” Dinner at Uncle Ralph’s house: That evening, we had a casual dinner at Uncle Ralph’s home.
Mom, Gary, Cindy, Robert and I joined Uncle Ralph, Aunt Trish and their two daughters for barbeque on the patio that overlooked the valley.
The weather and the food was perfect.
As expected, Gary was noticeably reserved.
I finally got an opportunity to speak with him in the hallway when he was returning from the restroom.
“Gary, can you come up with an excuse to get away tonight?” “I guess I can.
Why?” “If you can get away, and if you want to, you can come see me at the hotel tonight,” I offered.
The expression on Gary’s face was a unique combination of confusion, surprise and excitement.
“What about Robert?” “He’ll be busy elsewhere.
” Gary frowned, clearly not understanding what I was saying.
I wanted to give him an innocent sounding but truthful answer.
“Robert wants to give you and me some time together since we seldom see each other, so he is going to stay at his mom’s hotel tonight.
” “Does he know about.
us?” It was a direct question that deserved an honest answer.
“Yes, I did not want to marry him without him knowing how close you and I have been.
He has agreed to allowing us to to remain close.
” “You mean he is completely okay with this? With us?” Gary asked, somewhat bewildered.
“Let’s just say it took him some time to get his head around it, but he’s okay with it now.
But that is only if you are comfortable and want to continue.
I am not trying to talk you into something you will regret.
” I paused to let him think about his options.
“So can you come up with an excuse to get away tonight?” I asked.
“I don’t know.
What would I tell.